...damn it...

i hate ridiculously good looking guys. i think we both know who i'm talking aboot.

...annoying things...

yesterday was pretty mad, i'll write about it later.

i'm pissed off right now 'cause one of my actors arrived at dress rehersal way fucking late today...at least they did a reasonable job, once he finally showed. gonna spend 6th period going over lines.

english is super boring today.

i wonder what i'm going to eat for lunch...

...prom...

i scrapped the 50s prom idea. i wouldn't be able to pull it off, and i was sick of it anyways. so here's my new idea!





 
 

the top, not the hair. (obviously)




 
 

pair those with some black and white striped tights, boots like




 
 

pop these in my hair




 
 

(but purple, of course), and i'm good to go.

not sure about the boots, though, but that's what i could find real quick.

...ay, ay, ay, ay...

i hate it when this happens. i type up a post, safari crashes, and then i can barely be bothered to rewrite it. so quick, before i lose interest:

i had a link to my blog on my myspace, in the interest of gathering more readers. however, i'm starting to get more "friends" who i know in real life (i.e. people i see and talk to every day), and, even though i have avoided using names, if you know the people i write about, it's rather obvious who they are. and that could lead to some very awkwardness. i suppose i could avoid this problem by editing/deleting the posts that have things about said people, and refraining from posting more, but that isn't really an option, seeing as (a) those posts are the majority of this blog, and (b), the reason i started this in the first place is because of my obsession with boy. so the nub and thrust is you can get to myspace from the blog, but not vice versa.

i dyed my hair, just as i said i would. i was going to use manic panic raven, but couldn't get any, so i used random blue-black. it looks pretty rad. parents either haven't noticed or just aren't saying anything.

play opens in 2 days. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

i did the splits yesterday. twice. how rad am i? hopefully i'll still have that talent tomorrow!

...slugs, scissors, and everything nice...

i'm going to dye me hair again tonight. black, of course, but a longer-lasting black than 't other. it's pretty much washed out by now.

it seems to be generally accepted at school that boy is really fucking hot, but it seems that i'm the only one harboring a secret, atomic crush on the little bastard. *shrugs* who knows. just felt like checking in with y'all.

walkman. the cool person's ipod.

...rehearsals...

i'm really fucking tired of trying to schedule rehearsals for this goddamn play! the play is in a WEEK, and i haven't had a real one. ugh. *screams with frustration*

i wrote this, imagining the adventures of a missing bite of doughnut. now he's blasting down highway one in a cherry-red convertible, the top down, the clash is loud in the speakers, a martini in the cupholder. "this is the life," he remarks to the sky, and adjusts a dial on the dashboard. the joyous techno beats of daft punk take over, the highway fades away, the red changes to black, and mr. doughnut bite is screaming down a new york street. the famous traffic is conspicuously absent, but he isn't bothered. taking a sip from the neon-coloured drink he finds in the cupholder, he leans back against the leather seat. turning to look at the doughnut bite girl who sits in the passenger seat, he smiles. perfectly content.

...augh...

i hate boy. now, before you go into a tizzie, i don't hate hate him. i'm still v. v. smitten with the guy. that's the problem. he's so fucking hot! in a really annoying, unattainable way. but not a girly way. i can't stop staring at him...

he came over and talked to me today. (granted, it was about play stuff, but whatever). i was sitting on one side of the room, and he was on the other, when he started heading my way. my thought process: omg! he's coming over to me! > don't be stupid. he's not > oh, right, duh > HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! (when he sat down). then he opened his mouth and started talking. my gawd...he knewed me name and everything! okay i'm sorry but i'm still trippin'. so yeah, he's going to come to a rehearsal to figure out lights and whatnot.

the cool thing is, up close, he's not any less hot. just looks a little more...human. a little less of the god and a little more of the junior boy. not that i think of him as a god, mind you. can't think of a better metaphor right now.

p.s. you have no idea how many tries it took to spell "metaphor" right.

...gmail...

gmail used to be cool. back when you had to be invited. but now any tom, dick, or harry can get it on google.com. what a crock of shit. not to say i had it when it was cool. or that i have it now. just thought of that!

...peanuts...

brother got into MIT. am glad, because this means that he won't be all pissed off, and he might go to college on the other side of the country.

everytime i see boy my breath is taken away at how good lookin' he is.

mum says i can't go to warped tour. why does she never tell me these things before i expend all that goddamn time, anticipation, and energy counting down 'till tickets go on sale and what not?? *screams with frustration*

...dumping ground...

sorry i haven't posted in ages...i keep meaning to, but then my time's up and i haven't written a word.

i dyed my hair. i think it looks cool...black but slightly purple (especially in the sun). everyone else says it looks good (i've got loads of complements) too! but me dang mum...she didn't notice the first morning, and i don't know if she would have noticed, had my friend asked "did you dye your hair?" and blah dee blah in the car on the way home on friday afternoon. and since then she's made all sorts of stupid comments about it. when i said something about it meaning to be black, she responded with, "well it's purple" in a "you fucked up" tone. "it looks weird, doesn't it?" and "how long is this going to last?" (a yank on my ponytail on the "this") are a couple of her gems. i don't know what her deal is, it's my hair, i was the one who stood growing it out this long. so fuck it, i can do whatever i want with it. and anyways, she's just made me more determined to dye it more permanently. (though still temporary). my next plan of action (once this washes out): Manic Panic, Raven.

i was so excited about dying my hair and the toe shoes and whatnot, that i woke up at 3:00 on thursday morning. 1 hour ahead of my alarm clock and 2 hours earlier than normal. but it ended up working perfectly.

i have the ugliest prom dress in the world. i hate that little bastard sooooo much. but i'm too much of a bitch to tell my mom. she was going to alter it, or something, so it would fit better, so i need to tell her before then. but i super-hate that sucker.

i wish i could move out. just pack all o' my crap and go somewhere else. i could stay in this town, just get out of this house. i love the house, no doubt, just can't stand the fucking people in it. parents...brother....(sorry dude, i know you read this)...just can't fucking stand them ANY MORE. augh! the only thing that's keeping me here (except legal issues and that) is my physical stuff. if i could just stick that in bags, i'm outta here.

i went to the doctor 'cause my toe was hurting really badly. bad idea. all i got was a "don't dance on it, soak it three times a day and wear this lame-ass shoe". pssht. as if. let's see, i'm going to ballet on monday, soaking once in a blue moon, and the shoe is somewhere on the floor of my room.

i'm sure there's more to say, but, lucky you, i've plumb forgot it.

...cool beans...

unless some sniper asshole got them at the last minute, i just won a pair of toe shoes on ebay. heck yes! i'm excited. of course, my toe is majorly fucked so dancing (on pointe) on it isn't that good of an idea, but what the heck.

guess what? i'm going to dye my hair black. tomorrow morning. mwuahahahahahaha. how cool am i? i haven't asked the parents, 'cause i know the answer would be "no". actually, i haven't asked them about the pointe shoes either. i'm such a rebel. *rolls eyes* i'm excited about the hair! it's not permanent (8-10 shampoos), but that's a week or two, and i can see if i like it.

...ugh...

i'm really depressed/pissed off right now. i've been planning/hoping/dreaming about going to italy next school year for more than a year. and guess who just decided to rain on my fucking parade and tell me i won't be going until at least junior year? that's right, my beloved madre. argh. one of her goddamn excuses is "you haven't been getting all your work done blah blah blah". doesn't she realize that the only thing that has been keeping me from totally flunking freshman year is the knowledge that i'd be far, far away from here next year? i guess not. fuck it. of course, i just had to tell everyone in the whole fucking world about going. not bragging, just excited. so what do i do when i fucking show up at normal shit school? this fucking sucks.

...foot ouchness...

my toes hurt. i guess that's my fault for doing pointe in too-small shoes with a messed up pinky toe. oh well. it's super fun though. my friend and i have been sharing her old pointe shoes, doing the exercises with a video. but we want to get new shoes....i found some on ebay that might work.

i had the coolest hair yesterday. the top half was twisted up into two buns, and the ends were super spiky and whatnot, and the back was in four long braids. i used my cool red spiking glue on the spikes and to make the flat hair red, then sprayed the whole thing with my sparkly hairspray. as for my attire, i had on a black, long sleeved shirt, a red tshirt, a black skirt, red and black striped tights, and black high top converse. i looked awesome, and got lotsa complements. none from boy (i wish!), but he was staring a bit.

...well, well, well...

i have entered the world of cool. and it's wearing a sarcastic smile and yelling "welcome to the oc, bitch!" as i shrink back against the wall, hiding my mascara-streaked face behind my long hair. yes, it's true. i have committed the ultimate sin: watched the oc. if you haven't heard of it, more power to you. it's an über popular television show. it's in its second season, but i still had never watched it. until now. and what is my reaction, you may ask? well, wait, with bated breath. 'cause i'm going to talk about a couple o' episodes of boy meets world i saw first.

okay, okay. i just want to say, "WHY DID THEY CUT THEIR HAIR OFF????" in the college one, shawn and cory were sporting disturbingly short haircuts! *throws self on the floor and sobs*

onto the oc: i thought it was pretty good...not my favourite but fairly addictive. the girls were superficial and stupid (except marissa was starting to get nicer), but i like the boys. especially seth. such a dork. me and my best friend rolled into one, let me tell ya. i want to put him in my pocket. (leonardo dicaprio, age younger, has already taken up residence). and ryan has gained entrance to my pocket 'cause of his little looks....the eye darts, half smiles, eyebrow raises...my goodness gracious.

the verdict: yeah, if i had tv, i might watch it. i'm planning on borrowing the 1st season (i watched the first few episodes of it, so that's what my opinion is based on) from a friend sometime and watching the whole darn thing. we'll see.

...proud parent...

no, i haven't any kiddies. not preggers either. but i have got a cat. for a while now. but we have reached a milestone! she.........CAUGHT A MOUSE!!! you have no idea how excited that makes me. she hasn't expressed the least bit o' interest in the sqeaky furry bits until now. she only likes her catnip, stuffed one. but she showed up at the backdoor with a fat mouse in her jaws. she looked rather confused, though. a kind of "what the heck do i do now," look. she eventually figured it out, i guess.

oh, and by the by, i'm trying to remove the extra "like"s from my speech. with varying degrees of success.

...things that scream...

that would be me. AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! so many things are making me do this:

play. 24 days 'till opening night. and i am a big fat ball of "OH FUCK!!!" because, wow, i am so not ready. ah! ah! ah! ah!! hopefully we'll get the damn thing together. no, we will. we will. oh, guess what? MY PLAY'S FIRST!! that's right, make the froshy stick her neck out. damn. good side to playosity: boy is lightboy. meaning, i have to talk to him. without sounding like a complete idiot. shit.

wool. the goddamned wool that i got from a friend (to supplement the shrinking supply mum had), dyed up real nice, but is a bitch to card. but that's not the bad part: THE FUCKING STUFF WON"T SPIN!! it breaks, comes apart, doesn't work, and IS SPELLING "DOOM" TO MY PROJECT in flashing, flourescent, purple CAPITAL letters. gah!

space. or, lack of space, as i should say. i'm very nearly out of space on my computer! i have a great music collection, (1289 songs, 90 or so only recently acquired from boy, via brother.), but GODDAMN IT IT'S TAKING UP MY WHOLE HARDDRIVE!! i'm going to have to move things around (on to cds and whatnot) because I AM DYIN!!!

so yeah, that's what makes me scream.

...boyishness...

boy's hair is all natural now, and his mohawk is slightly trimmed so it stands up a bit on its own. though i do love the brightly coloured mohawks, this new style o' his is nummy. well, it's nummy 'cause it's on him. i've never seen his hair all natural (light brown) before. i like it. sometimes he reminds me of a little boy (lookswise)...not exactly sure why....just does. a little boy i'd shag. shit, did i just say that? er....ah....not what i meant. but yes, he's a cutie. a cutie patootie, even.

...tidbits...

when driving down the freeway on sunday, i saw a port-a-loo on the side o' the road. now, this isn't whatcha call extraordinary, but what set this portaloo apart from the gazillion others lining our motorways, was the sign directly next to it. assumably without a bit o' irony, "DUMPING PROHIBITED". ha.

you can tell a lot about a person by how they eat at fresh choice. i, for instance, fill up my plate with loads of different things, eat a bit of each, then move on to the soups, salads, baked goods, and whatnot, with the same procedure. i maybe finish one, possibly two, things per meal. this is how i am in real life. i start out taking part in/helping with/starting a lot of things, but slowly drop them/flake out/miss deadlines/forget about them. it's bad. of course, the time i figured this out, i ate everything that i got. except the yocream with the non-dairy whipped topping. let's not be ridiculous. so maybe things are looking up.