...and the march goes on...

hey darlings...
i would like to point you to my new blog, still in its infancy, that will be about my trip to italy. unfortuately, since people i actually know [and am related to] will be reading it, i can't, you know, put anything important in it. so you can go there for the normal stuff, as the posting frequency of this [frequent posting? ha!] will most likely be diminished.

speaking of italy...i cannot wait to get out of here. i seriously think i overstayed my welcome, and if i hadn't been going to italy, i would have left already. whether moving in with a friend or going to san francisco, la, ny...anywhere but here. there was an especially bad scene last weekend...if i ever decide to do a class during the summer, please, with all haste, shoot me in the face. there was a talk, with the parents, where i actually said some thing, instead of just sitting there crying like bitch, like i usually do. i don't regret anything i said, and what can you do, when you've been crying and writing all day and missing a good friend's birthday party, and all you can think of is 'i wish i could drive so i could drive off a cliff'?

i did, however, come up with another fun suicide fantasy. while talking, in a normal, upbeat fashion to my mother on ichat AV or some other sort of video confrensing aide, i whip out a guy and blow my brains out. that way, since she's not there, she can't do anything to stop me, but she's still witnessing it. i can't decide whether i'd want her actually watching when i pull the trigger, or if she'd look away, but hear the gunshot and look at the monitor to blood all over the wall. hmmm...

what kind of life do i lead where my parents inspire me to come up with more elaborate ways to kill myself?

i snuck a sip of wine at work the other day, and was immediately reminded why i don't like alchohol. i do like cigarettes, though, though i feel like a poser for saying that because i've only smoked, like, one. but i think i'm going to try to increase that, once school starts. gotta load up afore i live to stale world [aka my exchange program]. i also want one of my friends to pierce my lip, but i'm not sure if she would. oh well...fuckit.

and i'm really tired, so i'm going to turn in for the night.

falling in love with you all over again,
Bee

P.S. Project Ana sucks. I make the most horrible anorexic I know. I need a miracle. I tried looking for diet pills at the local pharmacy but i couldn't find them but i didn't want to ask.
P.P.S. there was another one of these but i can't real.