...wannabe wannabe ano-rexic...
a dear friend of mine told me the other week that she was anorexic. i must say, it was a shocker. she's always been careful about calories and whatnot, but i never expected it to really be a problem. she seems so perfect...tall, thin, with lovely black hair. she does super-well at school, and it seems like, whenever i see her she's mainly worried about the fact that her gpa slipped from a 4.25 to a 4.20 or some such thing. but apparently her parents actually watch what she eats, and she's not supposed to drop below a certain poundage. as is, she told me how much she weighs, and all be damned if it wasn't quite a few pounds less than what (i think) i weigh now. did i mention that missy has more than a couple of inches on me? of course, i was sympathetic, and gave her advice and whatnot, but inside i was burning with jealousy. isn't that sick?
here is a part of me that really, really, really wants to be anorexic. at least until i lose all this fucking weight. instead, i get stuck being the fucking opposite of anorexic. instead of thinking all the time about not eating, i think all the time about eating. and then i eat. i hate the way i look and yet i eat more. goddammit. i've tried to be anorexic sometimes, and it'll work, for a few days. until something goes wrong.
after she told me, i tried to be anorexic. it worked great, for about three days. and then prom screwed me over. i ate lunch, and then so much fucking dinner...and it was all downhill from there. this summer...this summer i need to shed pounds like a stripper sheds clothes. when i go to italy i will be so fucking skinny, it'll be great.
ha. i wish.
praying for disease,
*madlane*
here is a part of me that really, really, really wants to be anorexic. at least until i lose all this fucking weight. instead, i get stuck being the fucking opposite of anorexic. instead of thinking all the time about not eating, i think all the time about eating. and then i eat. i hate the way i look and yet i eat more. goddammit. i've tried to be anorexic sometimes, and it'll work, for a few days. until something goes wrong.
after she told me, i tried to be anorexic. it worked great, for about three days. and then prom screwed me over. i ate lunch, and then so much fucking dinner...and it was all downhill from there. this summer...this summer i need to shed pounds like a stripper sheds clothes. when i go to italy i will be so fucking skinny, it'll be great.
ha. i wish.
praying for disease,
*madlane*
posted by teenage faerie at 10:11 PM
1 Comments:
i totally understand what you mean here, sorry i just popped in to read this and i really identified with this particular entry. its katie g btw in case the blog thingy doesnt tell u, i dunno, i don't usually leave comments. anyway (ok this is like a mini-blog in a blog so lets hope nobody i know reads this) anyway, right now i pretty much can't see straight, i went to the er on friday night for food poisoning, i was all dehydrated and passing out and fucked up. basically they had to keep track of my weight to see if i was hydrated or w/e. the most disturbing part of the whole experience for me was that even in the midst of all my over-drugged weirdness, i was actually disappointed that after all that, i hadn't even lost more weight. so don't worry about feeling like you are "sick", i feel pretty fucked up myself sometimes. so the point of this was, i feel you, and call/IM me if u wanna talk
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