...suicidal tendencies...

a boy who i grew up with killed himself yesterday. i can hardly believe it. i didn't know him well, but he was still a part of my life. it feels like someone is squeezing my heart and it is hard to breathe.

this is the second teenage suicide in my area in only a few months...it's really heartbreaking. i don't live in a highly populated area, either. one of them went to the school up the hill from mine, and yesterday's was on independent study [through that high school]. jesus. any ideas of suicide have pretty much flown from my mind now...i haven't thought about it [for me] for a while now, but after seeing and going through the aftermath twice now, i really don't think i could do that to those around me. not that anyone cares enough about me to be really bothered.

but goddammit why do these things happen???

trying desperately not to cry,
.anouk.