...teenage rebel...

as a teenager, it's my job to rebel. but to rebel against who?

i could rebel against my peers. stay clean don't do drugs don't drink abstinence-only sex edukation. i'm sweet sixteen and never been kissed seventeen eighteen nineteen the numbers get larger and i am no more alive. they drink drink drink smoke smoke smoke and tell themselves this is living. i mention how sad this makes me and they stare blankly perma-stoned ask me why but i can't explain. shots of something with a hansen's chaser glad to know you're thinking of your health. drinking straight from the bottle but i can still walk in my heels pass the bong haha you left a lipgloss mark flick the lighter i'm not there yet. i watch it all with clear eyes and a clear head my virginity still very much in tact. a sip of hard cider i know i'll hate to please a friend because i know it won't do a thing to me is my only concession. i'm just a kid and life is a nightmare.

to rebel against the teachers and admin at my highschool is more difficult then one might hope. they speak and listen unflinchingly to language of all stripes, embrace all sorts of sexuality, and support even the most radical of political views. so i rebel the only way i know how. assignment after assingment is left unsubmitted, unfinished, undone. my grades slip ten, twenty, thirty percentage points. meetings with concerned teachers, schedules made, exceptions granted that i don't deserve. i fail to meet even these expectations. i am the only one who is not surprised. more meetings downcast eyes mumbled words worried looks second chances. i watch silently from behind the glass wall that separates me from reality. forehead pressed against glass fogged breath straining to hear. the other me whispers empty promises i press my lips together hot tears slip down my cheeks and i slump to the floor and i am cold, cold, cold. so cold and so alone.

this is my rebellion.